Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Another good weekend. I gotta record it before I forget. Hm, I've already almost forgotten Saturday night. But if I think hard, it comes back. I finished work and met Aoi outside the building. She drove me back to my place. She was so beautiful. Wearing a red "one-piece" dress. Totally gorgeous. At home she had some food on the stove.
She prepared some great salmon for me, in two different ways. One was fried in sauce and the other was in soup with potato and daicon. Tasted wonderful. We watched anime and fell asleep together. She went home at about 3, even though she had to work that morning at 5. So she only slept 3 hours that night. She really is amazing. Like, eye-widening-amazing. Heh.
The next day she worked from 5am till about 10 or 11 and met up with me at around 3pm. (Until 3 I was putting on a Christmas party for all our students under 13 at our school. What a mess that was. In the sense that kids make a lot of mess.) We went to Osaka to see the Marcel Duchamp exhibit, but didn't make it in time. So I went to Yodobashi Camera to buy a PSP but there weren't any. All sold out all over Japan. Later we went out for dinner. We had indian. It was delicious. Though I sprung for the level 5 curry; and I didn't taste much except for burning. It was still really really good.
I can't remember what we did after dinner.
I remember it felt like it was really late, but actually it was really early. So we ate at about 6pm and it felt like it was 11pm.
Ok, I remember it all now. We met up with Maiko at Starbucks. I ran into my Japanese co-worker and manager there. Was a slightly unpleasant experience. But whatever. We met Maiko at the train station and went back to Moriyama where Maiko ate food and we waited around for her boyfriend. But he didn't call back. (We last heard from him at about 6pm). So we decided to get really drunk and sleep at my place. The three of us went back to Ogoto and crashed into Kiraku 30 mins before closing. We got food and drinks and got as drunk as we could in the hour and a half or so we had at the place.
We got home and Aoi just collapsed. Maiko and I had to change her and get her on the toilet so she could relieve herself. I think she might have puked. She won't remember though. After we got Aoi in bed we took showers and passed out ourselves. The next day (Monday) was just spent recovering all day. Playing video games, talking, doing housework, sleeping, (having sex). All that good stuff.
We were inside all day, missed the sun completely, and when hunger had finally pulled us out of my apartment the sun had dissapeared completely. We finally met up with Maiko's boyfriend in Yamashina and we were all starving. So we went to Momojiro and ate like pigs. I drank a bit too; but their drinks have little/no alchohol in them so it didn't do anything for me. Was good food though. We hung out at Starbuck's for a bit after and then went our separate ways. So it was an eventful weekend. Lots of fun and great experiences.
My first day back to work (after the weekend) was pretty hellish though. I knew I had a lot of prep to do because I was giving Special Lessons (seasonal - Christmas) and so I had to work hard and quickly. I came into school and made a few crafts for the classes I had that day. I started an hour early (so at 12 rather than 1) and prepped until 3 (my first class). After my first class started it was back to back classes for the rest of the day. Crazily busy, I didn't have enough time to leave my classroom for the rest of the day (3 till 10). Seven classes in a row, by the end of it I was tired and completely out of the teaching 'mood'.
I had only eaten a half-size bento-box at about 1, so I was pretty damn hungry. But I also wanted to get home as fast as I could. So I just bought 2 riceballs and a Calpis and rollerbladed my ass home as fast as I could. I arrived home and found my heater on. I had left it running all day. What an idiot I am. Trying to save money and just wasting it on electricity. Ah well.
Aoi is staying over on Wednesday night; so that'll be sweet. A great way to break up the week. I love it when I see her during the week - its like a piece of the weekend in the middle of the week and I feel so refreshed the next day. (She always makes me a good breakfast and a nice dinner the night before). Its like having a mini-holiday in the middle of the week. I love her so much for the energy she breathes into my life. If it wasn't for her it'd just be 1 to 10 everyday, clocking in, clocking out - living for the weekends; just waiting for Saturday to finally be over with.
But with her; I'm not living for the weekends - I'm living for her. Its wonderful to have someone like that in your life to give you inspiration. Its like she gives everything a purpose. Girls (and human relationships in general) are so great - they make everything worth it. Thats probably why I make such a crappy computer geek. *sigh*.
Aoi is a great girl, but this Sunday she's leaving for 3 weeks. It'll be a quick 3 weeks though, because one of them will be holiday... I get a week off for Christmas. Though I still have to work the 24th and 25th. Which is pretty retarded; because I get the 23rd off. Ah well, don't matter, I don't have anyone here anyways, everyone'll be gone on their respective holidays and I'll just have my video games. Haha. So no big deal; I don't mind my job anymore - now that I've got something to live for.
At the end of this month, I'll be 1/2 way done my contract. 2 more months and they'll ask me to renew. I better start looking for a different job if I don't want to have to accept. >_<
We'll see where things go.
Thats enough for today.
Talk to you later.
She prepared some great salmon for me, in two different ways. One was fried in sauce and the other was in soup with potato and daicon. Tasted wonderful. We watched anime and fell asleep together. She went home at about 3, even though she had to work that morning at 5. So she only slept 3 hours that night. She really is amazing. Like, eye-widening-amazing. Heh.
The next day she worked from 5am till about 10 or 11 and met up with me at around 3pm. (Until 3 I was putting on a Christmas party for all our students under 13 at our school. What a mess that was. In the sense that kids make a lot of mess.) We went to Osaka to see the Marcel Duchamp exhibit, but didn't make it in time. So I went to Yodobashi Camera to buy a PSP but there weren't any. All sold out all over Japan. Later we went out for dinner. We had indian. It was delicious. Though I sprung for the level 5 curry; and I didn't taste much except for burning. It was still really really good.
I can't remember what we did after dinner.
I remember it felt like it was really late, but actually it was really early. So we ate at about 6pm and it felt like it was 11pm.
Ok, I remember it all now. We met up with Maiko at Starbucks. I ran into my Japanese co-worker and manager there. Was a slightly unpleasant experience. But whatever. We met Maiko at the train station and went back to Moriyama where Maiko ate food and we waited around for her boyfriend. But he didn't call back. (We last heard from him at about 6pm). So we decided to get really drunk and sleep at my place. The three of us went back to Ogoto and crashed into Kiraku 30 mins before closing. We got food and drinks and got as drunk as we could in the hour and a half or so we had at the place.
We got home and Aoi just collapsed. Maiko and I had to change her and get her on the toilet so she could relieve herself. I think she might have puked. She won't remember though. After we got Aoi in bed we took showers and passed out ourselves. The next day (Monday) was just spent recovering all day. Playing video games, talking, doing housework, sleeping, (having sex). All that good stuff.
We were inside all day, missed the sun completely, and when hunger had finally pulled us out of my apartment the sun had dissapeared completely. We finally met up with Maiko's boyfriend in Yamashina and we were all starving. So we went to Momojiro and ate like pigs. I drank a bit too; but their drinks have little/no alchohol in them so it didn't do anything for me. Was good food though. We hung out at Starbuck's for a bit after and then went our separate ways. So it was an eventful weekend. Lots of fun and great experiences.
My first day back to work (after the weekend) was pretty hellish though. I knew I had a lot of prep to do because I was giving Special Lessons (seasonal - Christmas) and so I had to work hard and quickly. I came into school and made a few crafts for the classes I had that day. I started an hour early (so at 12 rather than 1) and prepped until 3 (my first class). After my first class started it was back to back classes for the rest of the day. Crazily busy, I didn't have enough time to leave my classroom for the rest of the day (3 till 10). Seven classes in a row, by the end of it I was tired and completely out of the teaching 'mood'.
I had only eaten a half-size bento-box at about 1, so I was pretty damn hungry. But I also wanted to get home as fast as I could. So I just bought 2 riceballs and a Calpis and rollerbladed my ass home as fast as I could. I arrived home and found my heater on. I had left it running all day. What an idiot I am. Trying to save money and just wasting it on electricity. Ah well.
Aoi is staying over on Wednesday night; so that'll be sweet. A great way to break up the week. I love it when I see her during the week - its like a piece of the weekend in the middle of the week and I feel so refreshed the next day. (She always makes me a good breakfast and a nice dinner the night before). Its like having a mini-holiday in the middle of the week. I love her so much for the energy she breathes into my life. If it wasn't for her it'd just be 1 to 10 everyday, clocking in, clocking out - living for the weekends; just waiting for Saturday to finally be over with.
But with her; I'm not living for the weekends - I'm living for her. Its wonderful to have someone like that in your life to give you inspiration. Its like she gives everything a purpose. Girls (and human relationships in general) are so great - they make everything worth it. Thats probably why I make such a crappy computer geek. *sigh*.
Aoi is a great girl, but this Sunday she's leaving for 3 weeks. It'll be a quick 3 weeks though, because one of them will be holiday... I get a week off for Christmas. Though I still have to work the 24th and 25th. Which is pretty retarded; because I get the 23rd off. Ah well, don't matter, I don't have anyone here anyways, everyone'll be gone on their respective holidays and I'll just have my video games. Haha. So no big deal; I don't mind my job anymore - now that I've got something to live for.
At the end of this month, I'll be 1/2 way done my contract. 2 more months and they'll ask me to renew. I better start looking for a different job if I don't want to have to accept. >_<
We'll see where things go.
Thats enough for today.
Talk to you later.
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
I'm picked on at the company I work for more than anyone I know of. I'm trying to figure out on my own *why* this is. They've come out from head office to talk to me 3 times now, two more already than your average employee. They've written me notes on public faxes for everyone to see. I have a break-neck schedule compared to your average employee. I accomplish all tasks given to me (almost anyways) in the best way I can. I think I do a pretty good job.
The thing is, I'm completely honest about everything. (Since I know how saying that will cause severe disbelief, I'll qualify by saing "try to be"). I give the straight-up 100% honest truth everytime I'm questioned about something in my job. I could easily get away by just giving some bullshit response that I *know* they can't check up on and verify the truth of; but I don't. I don't want to play the stupid office politics games. I will *not* tell them what they want to hear. I will *not* give them the pleasure of warping my moral backbone. Fuckers.
They can push and push - hit and smash - but nothing will hold me down. They can load me up with as much work as they want. They can try their hardest to crush me. But I will not go down. I will not fall under their unending pressure. Those fuckers think they have me in their forcepts. They think they can hold me down and bend me into their image of one of their stock employees. They think they can turn me into another number. Its been almost six months assholes, and you haven't accomplished it. I know because you keep pestering me. You keep noticing me. You keep picking me out of the crowd. You keep giving me a face rather than a number. You fuckers, what the fuck do you want with me. You fucking assholes I'll destroy you.
Throw what you want at me and I won't bow to you. I will stand up straight and look you in the eye, and give you the finger. Motherfuckers think they can turn you into another white collared stooped, faceless yes-man. I will not succumb!! GO FUCK YOURSELVES.
The thing is, I'm completely honest about everything. (Since I know how saying that will cause severe disbelief, I'll qualify by saing "try to be"). I give the straight-up 100% honest truth everytime I'm questioned about something in my job. I could easily get away by just giving some bullshit response that I *know* they can't check up on and verify the truth of; but I don't. I don't want to play the stupid office politics games. I will *not* tell them what they want to hear. I will *not* give them the pleasure of warping my moral backbone. Fuckers.
They can push and push - hit and smash - but nothing will hold me down. They can load me up with as much work as they want. They can try their hardest to crush me. But I will not go down. I will not fall under their unending pressure. Those fuckers think they have me in their forcepts. They think they can hold me down and bend me into their image of one of their stock employees. They think they can turn me into another number. Its been almost six months assholes, and you haven't accomplished it. I know because you keep pestering me. You keep noticing me. You keep picking me out of the crowd. You keep giving me a face rather than a number. You fuckers, what the fuck do you want with me. You fucking assholes I'll destroy you.
Throw what you want at me and I won't bow to you. I will stand up straight and look you in the eye, and give you the finger. Motherfuckers think they can turn you into another white collared stooped, faceless yes-man. I will not succumb!! GO FUCK YOURSELVES.
Another weekend. Another new song. I'm listening to "Aqueous Transmission" by Incubus. I mean its not really new. It was the last song they played at their concert; where they convinced me that they were a great band. Good job Incubus.
When working fulltime, you soon realize that you live for the weekends. Each weekend comes and goes, and feels longer than the five days you just worked. When going to work the days just rush by as you wait for Saturday (or Friday, whichever is your last day) to arrive. Mindlessly going about your task, arriving home, sleeping. Sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep, WEEKEND. Thats pretty much how it goes. The time really flies by fast now. I can see how people spend 10+ years in one office job. The time just seems to get sucked into a hole and you never see it again.
I hope I cna break out of this retarded anti-life rythym one day. I don't want to live my life for the weekends (i.e. for my job). I don't know how I'm going to do it, but theres gotta be a way out.
I just finished listening to this song a third time and it ends with frogs. I never realised that before. Thats really great. I love the sound of frogs, crickets and other small animals you can't see.
Anyways, this weekend. Saturday night, Aoi was over, we had goodtimes. Watched some Naruto I think. Sunday we went looking for my bicycle which has been impounded. I've finally found the impound lot, now I wanna go there and get my bike. I dunno when I can though; or how I'm going to get it home. Sunday night Aoi went home early and I forget where we ate. Oh yeah, Saturday night she cooked me some food in my kitchen and we ate it on my new dining room table. Sunday we went shopping for more household things. Primarily candles. Now I have like, 8 candles to place around my room. Monday I met up with my friend Victoria and we walked into Katata. Well half-way in, we caught the bus at the half way point. We had lunch at this half-good "Italian" restaurant, and went back home to do finish some errands. I lent her a bunch of CDs and burned some pictures onto a CD for her. Aoi was sleeping in my place when I got over so that was nice. Aoi's friend came by, and we took Victoria to Zeze station on our way to Parco to see a movie. Its been *ages* since I've seen a movie with a girlfriend, or even seen a movie. I could count the last few movies I saw in a theatre on one hand. (Hmmm, "The Day After Tomorrow" [puke], "Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers", "The Matrix: [whatever #2 was called]") The movie we all went to together was "The Incredibles". A Pixar movie with animated characters. I guess it was alright. *Shrug*. Movies don't usually excite me very much. After the movie we went out for sushi and I ate a lot. Now its Tuesday morning, and I have to be at work in one hour and five minutes. So I'm going to change, put my clothes in my backpack, and rollerblade into work. And thats it for my week; it'll probably be the same everyday until Saturday.
I feel the need to report this (though its condemned as "haircut blogging"), because if I don't - I won't remember. And not remembering scares me. Fuck I love nostalgia and thinking back and reveling in the things I've done - but I can barely ever *REMEMBER* them. It takes such a concentrated effort and some trigger to start that memory. I want them to be all layed out behind me; like a photo album of sorts. We'll see how long this lasts. For now, I'm afraid of forgetting my past.
And if you've ever read Orwell's "1984", you'll have heard that the past only exists in our minds and our memories. Erase everyone's memory of one event, and that event never happened. So I must record the past in order to preserve it. I guess. Hahahaha, I'm a bit cracked aren't I?
But most of us out here are. Its insane how collectively wierd everyone who works for GEOS is. *Shudder*.
When working fulltime, you soon realize that you live for the weekends. Each weekend comes and goes, and feels longer than the five days you just worked. When going to work the days just rush by as you wait for Saturday (or Friday, whichever is your last day) to arrive. Mindlessly going about your task, arriving home, sleeping. Sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep, WEEKEND. Thats pretty much how it goes. The time really flies by fast now. I can see how people spend 10+ years in one office job. The time just seems to get sucked into a hole and you never see it again.
I hope I cna break out of this retarded anti-life rythym one day. I don't want to live my life for the weekends (i.e. for my job). I don't know how I'm going to do it, but theres gotta be a way out.
I just finished listening to this song a third time and it ends with frogs. I never realised that before. Thats really great. I love the sound of frogs, crickets and other small animals you can't see.
Anyways, this weekend. Saturday night, Aoi was over, we had goodtimes. Watched some Naruto I think. Sunday we went looking for my bicycle which has been impounded. I've finally found the impound lot, now I wanna go there and get my bike. I dunno when I can though; or how I'm going to get it home. Sunday night Aoi went home early and I forget where we ate. Oh yeah, Saturday night she cooked me some food in my kitchen and we ate it on my new dining room table. Sunday we went shopping for more household things. Primarily candles. Now I have like, 8 candles to place around my room. Monday I met up with my friend Victoria and we walked into Katata. Well half-way in, we caught the bus at the half way point. We had lunch at this half-good "Italian" restaurant, and went back home to do finish some errands. I lent her a bunch of CDs and burned some pictures onto a CD for her. Aoi was sleeping in my place when I got over so that was nice. Aoi's friend came by, and we took Victoria to Zeze station on our way to Parco to see a movie. Its been *ages* since I've seen a movie with a girlfriend, or even seen a movie. I could count the last few movies I saw in a theatre on one hand. (Hmmm, "The Day After Tomorrow" [puke], "Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers", "The Matrix: [whatever #2 was called]") The movie we all went to together was "The Incredibles". A Pixar movie with animated characters. I guess it was alright. *Shrug*. Movies don't usually excite me very much. After the movie we went out for sushi and I ate a lot. Now its Tuesday morning, and I have to be at work in one hour and five minutes. So I'm going to change, put my clothes in my backpack, and rollerblade into work. And thats it for my week; it'll probably be the same everyday until Saturday.
I feel the need to report this (though its condemned as "haircut blogging"), because if I don't - I won't remember. And not remembering scares me. Fuck I love nostalgia and thinking back and reveling in the things I've done - but I can barely ever *REMEMBER* them. It takes such a concentrated effort and some trigger to start that memory. I want them to be all layed out behind me; like a photo album of sorts. We'll see how long this lasts. For now, I'm afraid of forgetting my past.
And if you've ever read Orwell's "1984", you'll have heard that the past only exists in our minds and our memories. Erase everyone's memory of one event, and that event never happened. So I must record the past in order to preserve it. I guess. Hahahaha, I'm a bit cracked aren't I?
But most of us out here are. Its insane how collectively wierd everyone who works for GEOS is. *Shudder*.
Monday, December 06, 2004
Well it's been more than, what a year? Since I last posted on this blog. But all things move in circles. Always repeating, revolving. So much has happened in the past two years; yet when I think back I can't remember any of it. Reading over what I've written in the past, I'm amazed at myself and what I've done. I never expected that of myself, and don't know if I could do it if forced to go through it all again. Life is crazy.
Two years - its a long time. But if I do the simple math - I was twenty. *Twenty*. I had a hard time imagining what it "would be like" to be twenty... pretty much all my life. And now its behind me - way behind me. So far behind me. And I'm coming on twenty-three like a bullet.
What is happening to me? I feel like I need to record my thoughts in order to remember them; because everything feels so.... unreal. Like it never happened. *Poof* - and you exist. I've always lived for the moment; never thought about the future; never thought about the past. Living this way is great; but I feel like I don't have a life. I don't have anything to think back on, and nothing to look forward to.
It's like this: I've never thought of my life beyond, well, say.... twenty. Now two years after that mark, I feel like it's all over. Because I've never given a thought to what came after twenty. I know I have lots of life left, but I can almost picture myself at 40, or even 70, telling myself the same thing: What happened? Where did all the time go? Why am I here? What brought me here? And I won't be able to answer those questions.
Goddamn; I'm twenty-fucking-two. I'm not a teenager anymore. I've always been a teenager. I don't know if I can be anything else. Goddamn time. It moves too fast.
But like Aoi said tonight - that means I'm having fun. Enjoying life. So; I guess it can't all be bad.
Two years - its a long time. But if I do the simple math - I was twenty. *Twenty*. I had a hard time imagining what it "would be like" to be twenty... pretty much all my life. And now its behind me - way behind me. So far behind me. And I'm coming on twenty-three like a bullet.
What is happening to me? I feel like I need to record my thoughts in order to remember them; because everything feels so.... unreal. Like it never happened. *Poof* - and you exist. I've always lived for the moment; never thought about the future; never thought about the past. Living this way is great; but I feel like I don't have a life. I don't have anything to think back on, and nothing to look forward to.
It's like this: I've never thought of my life beyond, well, say.... twenty. Now two years after that mark, I feel like it's all over. Because I've never given a thought to what came after twenty. I know I have lots of life left, but I can almost picture myself at 40, or even 70, telling myself the same thing: What happened? Where did all the time go? Why am I here? What brought me here? And I won't be able to answer those questions.
Goddamn; I'm twenty-fucking-two. I'm not a teenager anymore. I've always been a teenager. I don't know if I can be anything else. Goddamn time. It moves too fast.
But like Aoi said tonight - that means I'm having fun. Enjoying life. So; I guess it can't all be bad.
